


Beyond Nostalgia-Kaisoo

by WaterbirdGee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: EXO - Freeform, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oneshot, Orphans, Smut, exosmut, jongsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 09:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21072437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterbirdGee/pseuds/WaterbirdGee
Summary: Two Orphans fell in love, they found new hope and life in each other, until Kyungsoo left Jongin’s hand.





	Beyond Nostalgia-Kaisoo

**Author's Note:**

> A Kaisoo; one-shot/ 17k words~  
The story contains; Romance,Drama,Smut,Orphans,Misunderstanding.  
~This is my first time here, I wrote this story while listening to Photograph song by Ed Sheeran. I’d posted it on my original account on Aff One year ago~ I hope you will enjoy it.

**✿ Beyond Nostalgia ✿**

The summer sun kissed the green hill where the children of Solyoen Orphanage used to play around the farms and caused troubles. There were 21 boys and 26 girls. The Orphanage contained four floors. The big dining room, the studying room and the Orphanage director mothers’ rooms were on the ground floor. The second floor was occupied by the boys’ four rooms, likewise, the third floor was for the girls’ rooms, and finally the fourth floor included the servants’ rooms and the attic.

Jongin, Jin, Dahyun and Momo were the most troublesome kids. They kept disobeying Madam Joo’s orders and broke Madam Song’s rules. They were happy and joyful kids.

Jongin remembered the details of the first day of July 1932 When a new Kid arrived; Kyungsoo. His age was 9 years old; he was older than Jongin by one year. Back then, it was a sunny and warm morning. He remembered the blue jar that Momo broke and they hid it under the fat boy’s bed, he remembered the Banana he stole from the kitchen, he remembered the white unique butterfly was standing at the windowsill when he saw that new kid from the third floor window. At that very morning and exactly at 9:14 am, a black car arrived in front the orphanage door.

Madam Song and her two daughters Nayeon and Jihyo stood there and bowed to and the man who brought a new kid. He remembered how that kid looked down at his feet, how the sun shone upon his black hair, and how he felt when that new boy looked at him. Jongin felt there was a strange feeling spreading from his heart into all of his body cells.

A chill scratched his skin and a thunderstorm struck his brain.

Jongin and Jin sneaked downstairs and peeked in Madam Joo’s room, the man seated on the wooden chair, The boy stood next to him, he was carrying a small bag. 

Madam Song shouted. “Boys! What Are YOU doing here? Go to your rooms and get ready for the class.”

When she entered the office, her face changed from an angry face to a smiley one. “Hello.” She said, puffing her breasts and blinking her eyes for the man who ignored her completely. He signed some papers and left without looking back.

Jin smiled behind the door. “His clothes are pretty, I bet he is rich.”

“If he is a rich, then why he is here?” Jongin wondered.

“BOYS ! “ Madam Song came again.

They ran laughing towards the studying room.

She entered the class and looked at the kids’ faces. “Kyungsoo, come here.” She said with firm face.

The scared boy came in with his head down. 

“Come on. Show them your face and introduce yourself.” 

He looked at the kids with wary eyes. “Hello, I’m Kyungsoo, my family died in the war and I.. I’m an orphan.”

“Good. Now, he will stay here and we will bring a new bed for him in the boys’ room, where should I place it?”

“Next to my bed.” Jongin raised his hand, “I will show him around and tell him the rules.”

“You know the rules? I’m surprised?” She said to the disobedient boy.

They all laughed, Jongin grinned proudly. “Yes, I know the rules, don't worry Madam Song.”

Jongin was very happy, he showed Kyungsoo the whole place and the two gardens, one for the kids to play and exercise, and the other was for the vegetables and the servants’ housework.

Momo and Dahyun weren't allowed to be in the boys’ room.

Consequently, they stayed at the door looking for the servants dragging a new bed into the boys’ room.

“ He is very handsome.” Dahyun Blushed.

“Jongin is more handsome.” Said the girl who came behind them.

They turned around and stared at the pretty girl.

“Hello Nayeon.” Momo pouted, Dahyun faked a smile. 

“Hello girls, mommy said Jongin volunteered to take care of the new boy! Oh, how sweet.” She put her hands on her flushed cheeks.

Dahyun rolled her eyes. “Oh! Such a merciful boy.” She laughed.

When Nayeon left, Momo hissed, “Can't she see that Jongin is not into her? She keeps sticking around him, I hate her.”

Jongin was busy, helping Kyungsoo to put his clothes in the closet and prepare his bed too. 

“Jongin! Stop doing this? You look like you are his servant.” Said Jin with a chuckle.

Jongin didn't get mad, he just blushed. “He needs help, you know.”

Kyungsoo didn't talk much, he was a good boy and a smart student, as much as Jongin tried to pick him alone, the girls and the boys wouldn't let him do that, they all were in love with him.

He was kind and he had many tales about the north where he used to live.

Actually, Jongin was broken-hearted, because Kyungsoo didn't notice him, it's been two weeks and Kyungsoo treated him like all the other kids.

Until that day, when Kyungsoo hit the new milk bottles accidentally making them crash into the floor. The new boy went to the kitchen to set the lunch plates and he didn't mean to do that! He stiffened in his place, looking down at the milk splashed on his shoes and all the kitchen floor.

Luckily, Jongin came first when he heard the crashing sound. “ God! Madam Song will punish you!” Jongin bit his lips.

Kyungsoo’s face paled, he didn't defense himself.

“WHAT HAPPENED! GOD! THIS MILK WAS FRESH!” Madam Song screamed angrily.

“I- I—” Kyungsoo didn't know what to say.

“I did it, Sorry.” Jongin shrugged.

“YOU BAD BOY!” She pinched his arm yelling, “you will sleep in the mouses’ room and you will not eat dinner tonight.” She dragged him upstairs quickly; she never stopped screaming!

Kyungsoo blinked in surprise, he couldn't even say a word! Everything happened fast, he couldn't understand why Jongin did that for him! He kept looking at Jongin’s empty bed and thinking about him until he fell asleep.

In the morning and during the football class, Jongin came in smiling. “Good morning.” He said to the boys.

“ Did you enjoy your time with the lovely mouses!” Jin giggled.

“Oh! Of course I did!” Jongin answered his friend and they both laughed.

Kyungsoo stood there with the boys silently. He saw Jongin glanced at him, but they didn't talk until the lunch break.

“ Hello!” Said Kyungsoo.

“Hello.” Jongin was sitting on his bed.

Kyungsoo whispered so no one could hear them. “I don't know why you take responsibility of that accident! Thank you! But, I didn't like that, I mean, taking the blame instead of me, but it happened fast and I— ”

“Just shut up.” Said Jongin with a smile.

“What?” Kyungsoo blinked.

“Shut up and come here, let me show you my treasures.” He patted on his bed.

Kyungsoo smiled and sat next to him, looking at the little soldiers he had and the little wooden swords.

“ This is my mom’s necklace,” Said Jongin, he held a golden rose necklace, “she gave it to me when she was sick.” Jongin smiled, looking at the necklace.

“Did she die?” Asked Kyungsoo.

“Yes, she was the only family I had.” He put it back in his box and sighed. “But, I’m fine, I love being here.”

Kyungsoo smiled. “ I didn't get used to it yet, but I suppose I will.”

Jongin held Kyungsoo’s hand. “You will, now come on let's play around the farms, it will be fun.”

“But! We are not allowed to go there?”

“And that's why it's fun.” Jongin giggled and he dragged Kyungsoo with him.

“ Where are you going Jongin?” Said Nayeon.

“Ah, to play!” He rubbed his hair.

“Can I come with you?” She grinned.

“Oh, but it's only a boys’ game.” He tensed.

“Is he the new boy?” She studied Kyungsoo with jealous eyes.

“Yes,” Jongin was holding Kyungsoo’s wrist, “see you later.” He ran before she could follow them.

When they sneaked into the farms area, Kyungsoo asked Jongin. “Who was that pretty girl?”

“She is Nayeon, Madam Song’s second daughter, she lives in the orphanage with her mother and her sister Jihyo.”

“Is she your friend?”

“No, I’m not like the other boys! They all run after her because she is pretty, but I prefer playing here instead of following someone just because they are pretty!” he smiled, “come on, Let's catch one of these ducks.” He giggled.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✿ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ 

Jongin’s feelings for Kyungsoo had been grown from the day he came to the Orphanage. Jongin got more attached to him, it was obvious to everyone, they called them the twins.

Kyungsoo became one of their stupid and funny group, Momo, Dahyun, Jin and Jongin. 

Madam Joo had a special love for Kyungsoo, he was helpful to her, he was good at reading, she used to let him read to her when she was free and too lazy to read; also, loved his voice.

Thus, in Jongin’s 14th birthday, he asked her for a favor.

“I want to buy a new pair of shoes for him, I have money I saved it when I helped Mr. Lee.”

“Fine, but no one should know about this.” She smiled.

His beautiful eyes lit. “I will give you the money.”

“No, I will pay for it.”

“No, thank you Madam Joo, but I want to buy it with my own money.”

“Alright, he is lucky to have a friend like you.” She closed the book and took off her glasses, “now, go and sleep.”

“Thank you, and Goodnight.” He bowed with a wide smile.

Kyungsoo was 15 years old, but he was shorter that all the boys around him. Still, he was the smartest.

The night of Jongin’s birthday, Kyungsoo gave him the shoes, he was so excited for that.

There were no parties allowed; therefore, he just gave him the gift while they were sitting on the roof alone. Everyone was asleep but them and Jin; he was playing his Harmonica.

Jongin closed his eyes, listening to the melody and enjoying the night breeze, it was a full moon night, they used to sneak outside to watch the moon and talk while everyone was asleep.

“Why you stopped?” Kyungsoo asked Jin.

Jin yawned, “I want to sleep, It's my turn to clean the farm tomorrow with the servants.”

He left them alone. “Good night.”

Jongin and Kyungsoo smiled to each other when he left.

“Open the gift.” Said Kyungsoo.

“ I don't want to, I like the red ribbon.” Jongin grinned.

“Come on!”

“Okay.” Jongin shook the box, then he untied the ribbon and saw the shoes. “Oh my god! Thank you Kyungsoo, it's awesome!”

“I’m glad you like it,” Kyungsoo smiled shyly, “try it.”

Jongin took off his slippers and wore it. “It's perfect.”

Kyungsoo smiled happily.

“But—” Jongin took it off and placed it back in the box.

“But what?”

“I want another gift.”

“What ?” Kyungsoo was disappointed, “you didn't like it?”

“I did, very much, but I’m greedy and I want another gift.”

“Okay! What is it?” Kyungsoo faced Jongin, waiting for the answer.

Jongin swallowed hard before he said,” A kiss.”

Kyungsoo was surprised. “A kiss!”

“Yes.” Jongin didn't smile.

Kyungsoo lowered his head, he thought for a minute, then he shook his head. “No.” 

Jongin looked down. “Why?” He avoided looking at Kyungsoo.

“Because, I don't want to go that deep with you.”

Jongin’s heart throbbed. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” Kyungsoo stared at the moon.

Slowly, Jongin’s hand held Kyungsoo’s hand and he touched Kyungsoo’s palm with his fingertips.

Kyungsoo gulped, looking at Jongin’s hands. “Stop.” He whispered.

“I want you.” Jongin’s tone was very soft.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. “I said stop.” He pulled his hand.

Jongin felt hurt. He cleared his throat and tried his best to smile. “As you wish.” 

Kyungsoo tried to hide his trembling hands, he put them under his thighs and tried to change the awkward atmosphere. “ You know I love you, right?” He smiled to Jongin.

“Yes.” Jongin’s head fell forward.

“Isn't that enough!” He tilted his head and stared at Jongin.

He didn't answer Kyungsoo. He just nodded and smiled slightly.

They reminded silent for a while, then they left to their beds.

Kyungsoo knew about their feelings, he craved for Jongin’s touch, and every time they held each other's hand, they would rub it together, they would look for any excuses to touch each other, they knew about their feelings; however, they held it inside.

After Jongin’s birthday, Kyungsoo noticed Jongin’s bad mood and he barely smiled, he just tried to cheer him up, and when it didn't work, he tried to ignore his moody behavior, but he couldn't take it anymore when he saw him once with Nayeon.

She came to him in the dining room. 

“Jongin, can I have a word with you?” She blushed.

“Sure!” He left with her.

Momo rolled her eyes. “Sticky and fake.” She said about Nayeon.

Kyungsoo couldn't stop looking at the door, waiting for Jongin to come back. 

“That's weird, he is late.” Said Jin while chewing his bread.

Kyungsoo couldn't eat, he just stared at his meal.

“Here he comes.” Said Dahyun.

Jongin came back and said with a surprised face. “ Madam Song asked me to go with her daughter to her cousin’s party?”

“What?” Momo snorted, “cheesy.”

Kyungsoo’s smile was sad. “Good, are you going?”

“Yes, I mean, I’m curious to see a real party.” He grinned.

“Ya, lucky you.” Jin pouted.

“Wh…When will you go?” Kyungsoo acted like he wasn't worried.

“Tomorrow.” Jongin started eating.

Kyungsoo lowered his head. “It will be fun, enjoy.” He patted on Jongin’s back.

Factually, Kyungsoo couldn't sleep that night, he gazed at Jongin while he was asleep, he just rolled in bed several times until he slept with a heavy heart.

When he woke up, he headed to the dining room and ate his breakfast with his friends, he smiled when Jongin left them. “I will get ready, Nayeon bought a suit for me.” He smiled broadly.

They followed him to see the suit. 

But, the bell rang and they had to attend the class.

Later. Kyungsoo caught him walking with Nayeon, he looked amazingly handsome. He waved to them while Nayeon clutched to his arm.

Kyungsoo hated the deep anger within him, he hated every single minute passed and he observed the wall clock all day.

He sat by the window sill, waiting for Jongin. It was 9pm.

He ran to his bed and pretended to be sleeping when Madam Joo came to check on the boys’ room.

When she left, he stood by the window again, Jin did the same. “I’m excited to hear what he saw there and what he ate, do you think he danced?”

“Maybe.” Kyungsoo’s eyes fixed on the horizon.

“That's him.” Jin grinned when the car stopped by the gates and Nayeon left with Jongin, Jihyo and her mother; Madam Song.

Kyungsoo hid behind the curtains when Madam Song looked at the window.

“Did she see us?” Asked Jin.

“I don't think so.” Kyungsoo was desperate.

He left to his bed. “I will sleep now.”

“Why? Let's wait for him.”

“I just wanted to be sure he arrived safely.” Kyungsoo sighed and lay on his bed.

When Jongin came in, he was hyper and lively. Kyungsoo heard everything he said while he was pretending like if he was asleep.

He bit his lips when Jongin uttered. “She tried to kiss me! But I just looked away, so the kiss fell on my cheeks.” He chuckled with Jin.

When the sunlight caressed Kyungsoo’s cheeks, he was hardly able to leave the bed. He smiled to Jongin. “Good morning.”

Jongin was changing his clothes. “Good morning.” He smiled and left to the dining room. He didn't wait for Kyungsoo!

Kyungsoo burnt inside for three days, seeing how Jongin was happy and how he kept talking with the boys and the girls about the party. Kyungsoo was hurt and jealous; even though, he got control over his feelings.

Once, he sneaked to the farms with Jin and they stuck there playing in the lake, throwing the leftover bread to the ducks.

They forgot the time. Especially after Madam Song and Joo left to attend some ceremony.

By the sunset, when they got back, Jongin came in very angry. “Where have you been?” He asked Jin and Kyungsoo.

“We went to the lake.” Jin grinned.

Jongin glared at Kyungsoo and twisted around to head back to the orphanage.

“What's wrong with him?” Jin shrugged and followed Dahyun and Momo when they called him.

All the boys and the girls were outside but Jongin. He sat on his bed edge alone. Kyungsoo got carefully in the room. “ Come down! They are pla—” 

“Just go.” Jongin interrupted Kyungsoo.

“What's wrong with you?” Kyungsoo frowned.

“What's wrong with you, not me, Kyungsoo!”

“There is nothing wrong with me.”

“Why you left with Jin? I was looking for you for two hours.”

“What now? Should I ask for your permission before going anywhere?” Kyungsoo furrowed his brows.

Jongin shook his head. “Just leave, Nayeon made a cake for me and I want to…”

Kyungsoo cut him off. “ Jongin… Do you love her?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Yes.” Said Jongin.

Kyungsoo felt the room spinning around him. He didn't know what to say.

Jongin stood up, “See you later.”

Kyungsoo stiffened in his place while Jongin crossed him.

His eyes got teary and he felt all of his body shaking with horrible mixed feelings.

He turned back when he heard the door closed, and he saw Jongin locking it, he spun around. “Why can't you just say it?”

“Say what?” Kyungsoo’s lips trembled.

“Say you don't want me to go!”

Kyungsoo’s tears rolled down his eyes.

“Just say you don't want me to go? I have been waiting for you to stop me, I went to the party with much anger, I wanted you to say your feelings, I wanted you to…” he sighed and brushed his hair nervously. “I wanted you to show me your love.”

Kyungsoo whispered. “Yo-you don't love her?”

“NO! I LOVE YOU, STUPID!” Jongin rushed towards Kyungsoo and he cupped his face. “I Love you, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo panted. “I’m relieved.”

Jongin started into his eyes, then his eyes traveled down to Kyungsoo’s lips. He didn't speak, he just breathed in and closed his eyes, brushing each others’ lips. 

Kyungsoo moved closer and he sealed their lips together. Jongin gasped and opened his mouth kissing Kyungsoo’s plump lips. First, the kiss was gentle and shy, but after a few seconds, Jongin fastened the pace, he tilted his head and pulled Kyungsoo closer, kissing him eagerly and loudly. 

Kyungsoo’s knees shivered, he enfolded his arms around Jongin’s neck and kissed him back passionately, they moaned and sighed between their long kiss.

Jongin’s eyes rolled back as he got more addicted to Kyungsoo’s lips, he forced him to set on the bed and he smacked their lips roughly, his hands slid from Kyungsoo’s jaw to his neck, then he touched his chest gently, his hands travelled down to Kyungsoo’s pants and he dug his hand inside his underwear and pulled his dick out, Kyungsoo’s body rigid, But Jongin whispered while their lips were still moving in a perfect sync. “ Take mine.” He gasped.

Kyungsoo’s hands shivered when he slowly unzipped Jongin’s pants and he pulled his dick out, they were kissing still, their eyes close and their cheeks and chin got wet from their saliva.

They didn't look down, they touched each others’ dicks and rubbed it blindly, following their senses, they fastened their stroking and they deepened the messy kisses, Kyungsoo opened his mouth breathlessly and closed his eyes tightly as he came in Jongin’s hand, his forehead fell on Jongin’s shoulder, he was barely able to breath, he didn't let go of Jongin’s dick and he continued his stroking until Jongin came as well.

They were facing each other, Kyungsoo’s thighs around Jongin’s waist, their hands and clothes became dirty with their cum.

Kyungsoo was extremely embarrassed, he couldn't show his face and he kept his it against Jongin’s shoulder.

“Kiss me again.” Jongin began kissing Kyungsoo’s neck and ear, making him hard again, he didn't hesitate, he gasped when Jongin’s tongue played with his earlobe. 

Actually, the second time was surprisingly easy and amazing.

They kept kissing each other many messy and wet kisses.

Kyungsoo couldn't leave Jongin’s embrace and Jongin couldn't stop sucking his neck and jaw. It was a new life and a new world for them. They merged into one.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✿ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ 

The Adolescents lovers sank deeply into their young love. Jongin’s eyes worshiped the beauty of Kyungsoo, he couldn't quit staring at him, they kept sticking together, their touches had gotten deeper and more eager.

Sometimes they would run to the bathroom or behind the orphanage, kissing and cumming together, and sometimes they just held it inside them since the boys were around them almost all the time. Still, it wasn't that simple anymore, when they crossed to the next level; the real sex.

It happened on a rainy day after two months of their first kiss.

They sneaked to the Attic at night, Kissing and stroking each other like how they used to do; however, that time, Jongin’s right hand was stroking Kyungsoo’s dick, he never touched Kyungsoo’s butt, but he did that for the first time.

The light of the moon reflected the rain lines pouring heavily on the window and the little shiny drops on the Attic floor.

They were kissing nonstop, their eyes were closed and their breaths were loud and heavy.

Nevertheless, Kyungsoo’s eyes widened when he felt Jongin’s other hand moving from his waist to his lower back; he paused while Jongin kept kissing him. He opened his mouth to protest, but somehow he loved it.

Jongin’s fingers cupped his right buttock and squeezed it, his fingertips trailed down between his buttocks and lingered there, poking his hole and circling around it. Kyungsoo gasped, he lifted his hip up and buried his face in Jongin’s chest, giving him the absolute power to do whatever he desired. Jongin shut his eyes and parted his lips when he shoved his finger inside Kyungsoo, feeling the tightness and warmth there. Kyungsoo’s cheek rested against Jongin’s shoulder and his arms wrapped his lover's neck.

Jongin kept doing that for a while, circling his finger inside and shoving it in and out, until he felt Kyungsoo’s body did a reaction, he knew he must hit the pleasurable spot. When he added another two fingers, Kyungsoo’s toes arched. “Ah.” He panted. Jongin smiled happily, he heard many stories about this from the boys and he was glad that he did well.

He pulled out his fingers and spat in his palm, then he rubbed his dick. “Kyungsoo… Do you want me to do this? I will stop if you don't want to.” 

Kyungsoo’s cheek boiled red, he gulped. “It's alright.” He pushed the old toys from the floor and lay on his back. “Come on.” Kyungsoo smiled shyly.

Jongin’s heart was about to blast from his happiness, he stared at Kyungsoo for a few seconds as he laid himself there for him. His pale skin glinted like the reflection of the rain drops on the floor, gleaming under the moonlight.

Kyungsoo straddled his legs and brought his hands up, “ I want to embrace you.” He heaved.

Jongin shivered from the excitement and he sweated from the heat of his emotions, he stood on his knees and rested his palm on Kyungsoo’s knees. “ Are we really going to do this?” Jongin grinned.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo held Jongin’s wrists, “yes.”

Jongin bent down and spread his arms, making Kyungsoo’s body between them, his dickhead touched his lover's hole. They both moved into each other, too eager to consume all of the touches they could. Kyungsoo growled when Jongin entered him and shoved all of his dick inside him, he clutched Jongin’s body and tried his best to relax.

After a few minutes, he began to experience the pleasure, Jongin couldn't cum yet, because he focused on Kyungsoo, he wanted him to feel the pleasure, and he knew this must take some time to awake his sensation.

The two boys blocked their lustful moans with their kisses. Their lips didn't stop their moves and their bodies as well.

When they finished their love making, Kyungsoo’s body kept shivering, as if the waves of pleasure didn't leave him yet.

Jongin was all sweaty and worn out, his chest heaved up and down. They were lying down naked on the floor, taking back their breaths, and staring at the ceiling with a tired smile.

“ We need to go back, someone may notice our absence.” Said Kyungsoo, looking for his clothes.

“ I want you to sleep on my bed,” Jongin touched Kyungsoo’s elbow, “please, you can leave before the dawn.”

“No! Are you crazy?”

“Yes, I’m crazy, I’m so crazy about you,” he wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, “don't go.”

Kyungsoo smiled broadly. “Stupid! Come on, let's go.”

It was a torturing month where they wanted to be alone, but they couldn't! Their love was like an unstoppable train, their desires were uncontrollable, they were in a real torment.

Jongin noticed that every time they made love, Kyungsoo became more demanding and he wanted him to fuck him all the time.

They were young and passionate, they had no one but themselves in the world, And they were absolutely enough for each other.

Once, Jongin sneaked to Kyungsoo’s bed and slept hugging him, they kissed all night and moved their bodies towards each other hungrily. They were covering themselves under the blanket, too busy to care about their surroundings, Jongin’s lips swabbed all of Kyungsoo’s face, cleaning his bad memories and replaced them with love and passion.

They were in their own bubble of love when someone uncovered the blanket and gazed at them silently.

They stiffened in their place and looked up at Jin.

“Thanks god it's you.” Jongin sighed in relief.

“Fuck!! Are you crazy!! “ Jin blinked, his eyes moved down to Kyungsoo’s uncovered butt, Jongin’s hand was stuffed between them.

Quickly, Jongin drew his hand out and pulled Kyungsoo’s pants up, covering his pretty ass. “Yaa, Jin! Fuck off!!” Jongin got angry.

Kyungsoo placed his hand on Jongin’s mouth. “Shhhh!!! “And he looked around. 

Jin shook his head and crossed his arms giggling. “You are helpless.”

Dahyun stared at Jongin who was whispering into Kyungsoo’s ear, she saw his lips stroking Kyungsoo’s ear. She swallowed hard and looked at her dinner.

Before Kyungsoo was about to leave to their bedroom, she stopped him. “Can I talk with you?”

Kyungsoo smiled. “Sure!”

Jongin rubbed his back and followed them, but Dahyun refused. “I want to speak with him privately.”

“What? Are you hiding secrets now!”

Dahyun didn't smile. “You are the one who's hiding secrets.” 

She grabbed Kyungsoo’s wrist and took him to the girls’ room. 

“I’m not supposed to be here!” He stared at the girls.

“Tell me,” she whispered, “ do you love someone?”

“What?” He got surprised by her sudden question.

“ Do you love someone?” She repeated.

“Ah, No.” He looked down.

She gazed at his face, then she admitted. “I love you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened.

“I loved you from the first time I saw you, five years ago,” her eyes pleaded, “you are an orphan, me as well, we-we should have our own families and I-I hoped you share me this dream, having our own family, our own kids.”

Kyungsoo’s heart broke, her eyes were sincere and she was always his best friend, he didn't know what to say.

“ Of course, you are right, but, I need to think about this Dahyun. I never thought about you like that, I mean—”

She smiled with a sad expression. “Just think about it.”

Kyungsoo sighed. “It's too early to decide Dahyun,” he nodded with a warm smile. “ Goodnight.” He left without looking back.

“What did she say?” Jongin sat next to him on his bed.

“She loves me.” Kyungsoo didn't look at Jongin, he just took off his shoes with a sigh.

“And what did you say?” Jongin sulked.

“Nothing.” 

Jongin left Kyungsoo’s bed and lay on his bed.

Kyungsoo knew he was upset, but he was broken, he felt a heavy burden on his shoulders and he wished if she didn't confess.

The following two days, Kyungsoo hated the awkwardness around him, Jongin didn't talk with him and Dahyun kept staring at him with a sad face.

Therefore, he talked with her while they were sitting in the vegetable garden.“ I’m sorry Dahyun, I lied, I’m in love with Jongin.”

She didn't say a word for a while, then she burst out crying. “I knew it, I should have told you earlier, maybe we could have a chance.” 

Kyungsoo hugged her and patted on her back. “I’m sorry.” His heart shrank with sorrow.

Even though he was sad, he felt better. At night, when everyone was sleeping, Kyungsoo touched Jongin’s wrists. “I know you are awake. Come on, we need to talk.”

Jongin sat on his bed with a sharp frown. “What? I want to sleep.”

“Not here?”

“Why?”

“Come on, you lazy ass.” He pulled him, making him stand up.

Jongin followed him, they walked on their toes trying to make no sound, they went upstairs and entered the Attic.

“What d-” Jongin couldn't finish his sentence.

Kyungsoo jumped on him and began kissing him eagerly and roughly, Jongin gasped and pushed Kyungsoo towards the wall, they made love and talked about what happened. Jongin closed his eyes and kissed Kyungsoo’s head. “You are mine.”

“I’m yours.” Kyungsoo sighed softly.

It took Dahyun some time to let go of her feelings, the relationship between her and Jongin wasn't good, but they became friends again eventually.

Just like that, another year passed on, Jongin grew taller and his tan skin made him even sexier. 

Their love hadn't changed, it got deeper and warmer.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✿ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ 

Jongin caressed Kyungsoo’s hair.

“You are 16 now.” He smiled.

“Yes, I’m getting older and I can leave the orphanage after one year.” Kyungsoo sighed, he rubbed his cheek against Jongin’s chest, and stared at the lake.

“I will go with you.” Jongin whispered.

“Yes, I won't leave you here.” Kyungsoo closed his eyes enjoying the breeze.

“I can leave, They may insist about letting me stay, but what’s the difference between 17 and 16, anyway, I will follow you.”

“What's the plan?” Kyungsoo sat straight.

“I don't know, all what I care about is being with you.” Jongin grinned.

“I want to go back to my family's Villa, when I left, I was 9 years old, there was no way for me to live there alone, and my uncle who brought me here said I can come back when I’m an adult man. You know, he is a soldier and he couldn't take care of me, he is a tough man, but I like him.” Kyungsoo smiled.

“You said he died in the war?”

“Yes, three years ago. Madam Joo told me he sent her many messages asking about me.” Kyungsoo was too emotional, he was about to cry, “anyway, I want to go there and hire some farms, take care of the house and living there with you.”

Jongin grinned broadly. “I will help you to manage the house.”

“You just manage to love me, and that's enough.” He laughed when Jongin bit his earlobe teasing him.

When they got back, sneaking into the dark, they heard someone crying and screaming, Kyungsoo and Jongin saw the shadows of Madam Song and her daughters. 

“What's wrong?” Kyungsoo was worried.

“I don't know? “ Jongin shrugged, then they left to their room.

Sunday’s morning, Nayeon came to the dining room with her head down, no one had seen her for a week, she had been locked in her room, the gossip flew around her.

One of her orphan friends whispered to her ears about Kyungsoo and Jongin; thus, she kept her eyes on them.

Her silence and hateful stares scared Kyungsoo.

She changed, she didn't brag as she used to and she didn't talk much, she sat alone almost all the time. Likewise, Madam Song’s mood was horrible, she kept screaming and shouting at the boys and the girls all day. 

Dahyun and Momo glared at her when she crossed them. She stopped and turned back, “Is it true? I heard some gossip about your friends, Jongin and Kyungsoo.”

“And I heard some gossips about you too.” Momo rolled her eyes.

“Are they together?” She crossed her arms.

“I don't know.” Momo shrugged.

“ Answer me, you bitch.” Nayeon’s eyes sparkled with anger.

“Yaaa!” Momo pulled Nayeon’s hair and Nayeon did the same, Dahyun tried to pull them apart before Madam Song could come. Jongin, Jin and Kyungsoo came with the others, watching the girls’ fight. 

When Nayeon’s eyes caught Jongin, she pushed Dahyun and ran towards him crying with her messy hair.

All the eyes observed her crying against his chest, Kyungsoo’s as well.

Jongin didn't know what to do! He just stood there rigidly.

When Madam Joo came, all the boys and the girls ran to their rooms.

Jongin drove her back with curious eyes, he stared at her crying face, and tilted his head wondering what's wrong with her.

“Go to your rooms, Now!” Madam Joo yelled.

Jongin left her there and rushed after Jin and Kyungsoo upstairs.

“What was that?” Said Kyungsoo while they were heading upstairs.

“I don't know?” Jongin shook his head.

“You don't know?” Kyungsoo asked him suspiciously.

“Yes! I don't know!” Jongin frowned, “what? Why are you asking me with this tone?” They stopped in the middle of the stairs.

Jin gazed at them as he got more confused.

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes, staring at him for a brief seconds, then he headed first to their room.

“Jongin! What happened?” Jin asked.

“I DON’T KNOW?” he shouted furiously, “ SHE IS WEIRD!”

Jin pouted thinking. “I know, but for an instant, I doubted you.” He smiled and shook his head, “stupid me.”

Jongin scolded him, “how could you?”

“I don't know? She ran specifically towards you! And you suddenly got angry when we asked you.”

“Yes! Because I saw query in Kyungsoo’s eyes, I hated that.” 

Jongin’s heart cracked when he went to their room and saw Kyungsoo taking his toothbrush, he didn't look at him, he just went forth to the bathroom with the other boys.

Jongin was devastated, he sat on his bed looking at Kyungsoo’s empty bed, he looked around, no one was there; therefore, he opened Kyungsoo’s nightstand drawer and took his white napkin; since he was a rich boy, he had two silky white napkins, one was embroidered with a blue bird on the corner and the other had a Lavender flower. 

Jongin took it slowly and ran his fingers on it, then he closed his eyes and pressed his nose against the napkin to inhale Kyungsoo’s scent. Without hesitation, he took the one with the Lavindar for himself. He pulled his treasure box from under his bed and opened it with loving hands, he placed Kyungsoo’s napkin with his treasures. He stared briefly at the Napkin and his mother's necklace, then he sighed with a smile.

“Boy, just close the box?” 

Jongin spun quickly and saw Nayeon standing behind him with red and swollen eyes. “I want your help.”

Jongin closed the box and hid it under the bed. “I can't.” He said.

“You didn't even hear what I have to say?” 

“Nayeon. Please, leave before someone sees you here, I don't want them to misunderstand this.”

She lowered her head. “Please, Jongin.” 

The boys came out the bathroom and wowed when they saw her and laughed happily.

“Go!” Jongin hated that.

She left with her head down.

When Kyungsoo came from the bathroom, holding his towel, he asked one of the boys about the noises they made.

“ Nayeon was here for Jongin.” The boy tipped his head, “I wonder what's going on between them, anyways, he is lucky.”

Kyungsoo’s grip tightened around the towel. He went to his bed and flicked his blanket ready to sleep. 

“Kyungsoo.” Said Jongin with a soft tone.

“I don't wanna talk with you.” He didn't look at Jongin, he just lay on his bed and covered his cold body with the blanket, he tried not to cry, his lips were trembling and his tears kept leaking down his eyes, he tried his best not to make a sound, especially when Madam Joo came in to check on the boys, she closed the window since the wind of October was chilly, and left holding her candle.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo felt a warm hand touching his shoulder, then a warm body slid under his blanket, he sensed the heat of the arms which enfolded his waist.

He knew it was Jongin. He felt him pressing his face against the nape of his neck. “Kyungsoo.” He whispered sorrowfully.

He squeezed his body against Kyungsoo’s and breathed heavily. “Why are you hurting me this why? You should be the first one who trusts me when others doubt me.” he kissed the back of Kyungsoo’s shoulder, “isn't that what love is about? Trust and faith?” he kissed Kyungsoo’s nape.

Kyungsoo shut his eyes tightly. “I-I trust you, it's just-I’m jealous and—” he gasped when he felt Jongin’s hard dick rubbing between his buttocks, he bit his lips, “I just have a low self esteem, Ahhh.” He shivered. 

Jongin crammed Kyungsoo’s body inside his Embrace, he kissed the back of his shoulders and neck hungrily. Kyungsoo’s heart pulse brisked. His shivering hand reached the back of his pants and he pulled it down. Blindly, he touched Jongin’s dick and took it out his underwear. Jongin gasped when he felt Kyungsoo’s cold hand around his dick. “I love you, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo popped his hip backwards towards Jongin, and he thrusted Jongin’s dick inside him. Jongin covered Kyungsoo’s mouth with his hand to block his loud moans, they were laying on their sides, Jongin behind Kyungsoo on his bed, their clothes were still upon their hungry bodies.

When Jongin woke up, he thought it was a dream, but he became sure after seeing Kyungsoo’s shy smile.

“Good morning.” He said, rubbing his black hair.

“Good morning.” Jongin’s eyes were like a twinkling crystal, full of love and unbelievable, magical feelings.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo held Jongin’s hand, “I need you to be honest with me. When you grow up and we got older, maybe in some winter or autumn in the far future, you will lose a piece of yourself with time, you will change, and maybe, the shape of your heart will alert as well, and you will no longer need me. Then, I will fall from your heart, and if that happened, Don't put me back, just let me go, at that time, I will be crushed into the ground and I won't survive out of my shell; your heart, and I won't be able to live with my shattered body and broken soul, just let me go, and die.”

Jongin tightened his grasp around Kyungsoo’s hand. “Why are you saying this scary thing?”

“Because staying in love is a challenge.” Kyungsoo exhaled and left the room.

Momo, Jin, Dahyun, Kyungsoo and Jongin ran towards the lake at night. It was a full moon, they swam there and played happily after being locked in the orphanage gates for a while.

Kyungsoo put the towel on Jongin’s hair drying it. Jongin stole a kiss from Kyungsoo’s lips while he was getting sure that Jongin was warm and dry.

When they went back to the orphanage, their hands on their mouths to silent their muffled lighters, Jin glanced at the stairs and he saw a shadow, it looked like Nayeon! She was heading down from their rooms floor! He thought maybe he was wrong, therefore, he just escaped with them the ground floor towards the stairs.

It was Kyungsoo and Dahyun turn to take care of the vegetable farm and help the servants. 

Dahyun was laughing with one of the servants, holding a potato basket when Nayeon came in, she crossed her arms and smiled. “Hello Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo was pulling the carrots out, wearing black gloves. He ignored her. 

“I think you wonder what's wrong with me, last month was a very hard time for me.”

“No, in a matter of fact, I don't care.” He didn't give her his attention.

“Well, you need to know something.” 

“I don't want to talk Nayeon! Could you leave?”

“ I’m pregnant.” She said loudly.

Kyungsoo blinked. “What?”

“ Mom locked me, and beat me, she wanted me to say the name of the father. But I couldn't mention Jongin’s name, I love him and I don't want mom to kick him out.”

Kyungsoo swallowed hard, he continued his work. “If you finished your lies, leave me alone.”

“I’m not lying?”

“Fine, then leave.” 

“You don't believe me?”

“Of course I don't!” He threw the carrot he just pulled on the ground. 

“He gave me this.” She took off his mother necklace from her shirt. “He said it's suit me.” Then she hid it back under her shirt.

Kyungsoo knew how Jongin treasure this necklace and he knew there was no way he would give it to her! Unless she was right and she didn't lie.

She smirked when she saw his paled face. “I guess he will leave with me.” She touched her tummy.

Kyungsoo turned around giving her his back, he couldn't bear looking at her.

He saw her shadow disappearing slowly, when she was sure she left, he stood on his knees, he didn't want her to think she affected him, he couldn't think or balance himself.

He threw his dirty long boots and his gloves and entered the orphanage.

“Ya, Kyungsoo!” Dahyun called him, but he just ignored her.

Kyungsoo couldn't quit thinking about Nayeon, she had a real evidence, no one knew about his mother's necklace and even his box! Kyungsoo’s heart hurt, he stayed all day staring at Jongin silently while they were in the class and in the dining room.

When they went to their bedroom, he stared at the noisy boys around him, he was going to wait for them to sleep, but he couldn't, he swallowed hard. “Jongin, show me your box.”

“What?” Jongin was sitting on Jin’s bed chatting with him.

“Just show me the box.”

“Why?”

“ Never mind.” Kyungsoo strode towards Jongin’s bed and he bent over and yanked it.

Jongin followed him before he could even open the box and he snatched it. “What's wrong with you?”

“Give me the box!”

“No!”

“Why?”

“Ah, N-no reason, it's private.”

“I saw your fucking dick, which privacy you are talking about!”

Jongin didn't want Kyungsoo to see the Napkin he stole from his drawer to keep it with his treasures as he called them.

“Then, J-just tell me, is your mother's necklace there?”

“Yes, why?”

Kyungsoo’s heart fell into his feet. Jongin lied while he was looking into his eyes!

Jongin embraced the box and went back to Jin’s bed holding it.

Kyungsoo sat on his bed with his eyes wide open.

He was thinking, Jongin gave it to Nayeon as she said, there was no other reason for him. He saw the box many times before.

He went to the bathroom and threw up, his stomach couldn't cope with his heavy feelings. He cried behind the door and hit his head. He cursed himself and threw up again.

When he came back, he saw Jongin whispering to Jin. He couldn't stop imagining Jongin was telling Jin about his secret with Nayeon and how he was afraid Kyungsoo would know!!

Kyungsoo pretended as if he was sleeping. He couldn't even cry, he was shocked and sick inside.

Was he ill or that what the broken-hearted people felt?

Next morning, he woke up early and left the room looking for Nayeon. He saw her in the kitchen. She smiled when she saw his pale face. “Yes?”

“ Are you pregnant with Jongin’s baby?” He asked with a shaking voice.

“Yes! I told you yesterday.” She smiled.

“I don't believe you.”

“Ask him if you want.” She shrugged and played with his mother’s necklace. “I bet he wouldn't be able to admit it.”

“I-I don't believe you.” He repeated.

She thought for a minute. “He sneaks into my room when you are sleeping,” she hid the necklace inside her shirt and tilted her head, “you can watch him today.” She shrugged.

“You are lying.” His hands trembled.

“Seems like you don't want to believe me, but inside,” she pointed at his heart, “inside you, you know I’m right.”

When she left the kitchen, her smile faded. She went to her room, biting her nails and walking in circles.

“Ya, your stupid plan won't work, just return the necklace you stole.” Said her sister while she was reading a book in her bed.

“He believed me, he didn't ask Jongin and I guess he won't.” She sat on her chair and shook her legs thinking nervously.

“I have to make him come here.”

“Who?”

“Jongin.”

Her sister Jihyo closed her book. “You don't give up?”

“I want him to be the father of my child.” She hit the table.

“He won't, because he is not!”

“I cannot tell mom that some guy lied to me and took my virginity at a party! At least she knows Jongin.”

“You are a wicked girl.” She sighed and continued reading.

“I can convince him to marry me, he is kind, but first, I have to get rid of that fucking Kyungsoo.” 

Suddenly, her eyes lit with an idea. “I have an idea, he will come to me willingly.” She brushed her hair with a smile.

Jongin was worried about Kyungsoo, he was weird and he wasn't himself. While he was staring at him through the window, sitting with some boys on the grass, Nayeon came behind him.

“ Jongin.”

He sighed and said without looking at her. “Go away.”

“ I need to tell you something.”

“I don't wanna hear it.” He was starting at Kyungsoo.

She walked closer and saw Kyungsoo. “Oh, I think he knew.”

Jongin turned around and looked at her. “About what?”

“You’ve just said you don't wanna hear it!” She smiled.

“Come on! Tell me!”

“Well.” She played with her hair.

“ Mom received a letter from someone, I think some relative of him.”

Jongin’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Yes. Well, I didn't read it, I don't know what's written inside it.”

“Give it to me Nayeon, Please.” Jongin’s eyes pleaded.

“I don't have it.” 

“You can steal it.”

“Yes, ummm,” she pouted, “ I can find it when she is sleeping, what about coming and help to find it?”

“When?”

“When everyone is sleeping.”

“What! I can't!” He blinked.

“Then, I can't make it my own, there are a hundred of letters.”

Jongin glanced at Kyungsoo, he bit his lips thinking. “Fine.”

“Then, be sure no one will see you, you don't want them to misunderstand you, right?” She winked.

“Yes, thank you Nayeon, I was too worried about him.”

“Well, we can find the letter.” She patted on his shoulder, “I will be waiting.”

“Thank you Nayeon.” He repeated with a sigh.

She whispered happily. “Yessss.”

When they were ready to sleep, Kyungsoo kept avoiding Jongin, therefore, he faked his sleeping, and waited for the lights to turn off.

He felt Jongin’s kissing his temple gently and stroking his hair. Kyungsoo shut his eyes tightly, trying to maintain his composure. He heard the boys’ snorting, he waited with a throbbing heart. He was staring at the thin, dim light sneaking from the curtains. Then, he heard Jongin’s feet touched the floor, and he saw him leaving the room.

Kyungsoo gasped, he followed him, his hands were on the walls trying to balance himself. He stood in front of the door where Jongin disappeared and closed it.

He heard whispering and he heard Nayeon’s voice. 

Kyungsoo fell on his knees. “No, I can't believe this.” He tried his best to stand on his feet and he held the door handle; quietly, he opened the door and saw him behind the desk with Nayeon.

Immediately, Kyungsoo burst crying, his whole body shivered and his tears washed his face. “J-Jongin.” He whispered.

Jongin stood up holding many letters, they fell from his hand, his eyes widened when he saw Kyungsoo.

“How-How could you d-do this to me?” Kyungsoo was barely able to talk. 

Jongin stiffened in his place, Nayeon stood next to him with a smile. “Oh.” She said.

Jongin couldn't move, he couldn't believe that Kyungsoo was there!

“Why? Why Jongin?” Kyungsoo sobbed and ran, disappearing in the darkness.

“Kyungsoo! Oh, God.” Jongin’s lungs couldn't find any air, he repeated. “No, he thinks…No.” He stumbled and fell on his face, then he hardly stood up and dashed out of the room, he couldn't see anything, the whole orphanage was dark and quiet.

He ran upstairs and opened all the doors, even Madam Joo’s room door. He ran like a crazy boy outside the orphanage and screamed. “KYUNGSOOOO.”

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✿ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ 

Madam Joo stood in front of the window, her arms folded tightly over her nightgown, a pink wool scarf on her shoulders, her hair wasn't twisted with the usual neat bun, it was entwined in a black braid.

“You won't find him by gazing at the window.” Said Madam Song, the old Chef stood beside her with his bald head and wrinkled eyes. “Poor boy.” He commented.

“I’m not looking for him, I’m watching the sunrise.” Said Madam Joo.

“We should send someone to find him.” Said the old man.

“Jongin had said that Kyungsoo left at 12am, we have been looking for him for four hours, if he was still here in this area, we would be able to find him,” she turned around, “ it breaks my heart to let him go, but he is old enough, and there is no rule we have said we should bring back who left, especially since he got only one year left for him here in the orphanage, he just turned 16 you know, “ she rubbed her forehead with her fingertips, “ I think we should just wait, if he came back, we will be happy, if he didn't, then it's his choice.”

The old man nodded wistfully. “It's sad, we will miss him, he used to help me in the kitchen sometimes.”

Madam Joo fixed her eyes on Madam Song. “Your daughter, Nayeon can't stay here anymore.”

Madam Song lowered her head. “I know, I actually don't know how to deal with her, she is getting worse.”

The old man said before he left Madam Joo’s office. “At least she told the truth.” 

“She refused to talk, but I winkled it out of her, she told so many lies, I think I will send her to a boarding school.”

Madam Joo uttered after the old man left them alone. “I need to sleep, I have only one hour until they wake up,” she touched her temples and closed her eyes, “ too many shocking things I’ve heard this morning,” she glared at Madam Song, “your daughter’s pregnancy! Her lies! Jongin and Kyungsoo’s relationship and his escape, I’m so disappointed in you and I think Jongin will create troubles, so you better let Nayeon leave bef…”

The door opened and Jongin barged into the room. “Madam Joo, I came to say goodbye, “he didn't wait for her permission, “I will go to find Kyungsoo.” He left her office and rushed out of the orphanage quickly.

“Jongin… Jongin!” 

He turned around and saw Madam Joo running after him, she stood by the gates taking her breaths. “Come on.”

He hesitated before walking towards her.

“Here,” she handed him a white envelope, “this is all what I have now.” she smiled and held his hand tightly, “take care of yourself, and remember that I will always be here.” 

Jongin’s lips trembled, the tears overflowed in his weary eye and rolled down his eyes. Madam Joo embraced him and patted on his back.

“Goodbye Madam Joo.” Jongin sniffed and wiped his tears with his sleeve, he took a deep breath before leaving towards the unknown lands beyond the horizon.

Jongin didn't know where he was going, he took his bag and walked with no direction. He crossed the closest town to the orphanage and asked some shopkeepers if they saw Kyungsoo. He described him with somber and downcast eyes. “ He is 16 years old, but he is short, pale with big eyes and thick black hair.”

People kept shaking their heads with “No.” Some didn't even listen to him, they just kicked him out or shut the door in his face. He stayed in the town for another two days; renting a room was too expensive; therefore, he just slept on the wooden chair of a small open garden. He woke up from the noisy kids, they were screaming and playing loudly next to him. He checked the envelope which Madam Joo had given him; Jongin didn't spend any, he thought using it with Kyungsoo was better, when he would find him, he would spend this money on him. He had some saving he kept it in his box, he took it from his bag and puffed when he saw his mother's necklace, Madam Song gave it back to him when she knew about Nayeon's shameful deeds.

Then he took the silky white Napkin, he smiled and caressed it gently with his thumb. “I’m going to find you.” He kissed the Napkin and inhaled its scent. The money was barely enough to buy a train ticket, he needed it because he wanted to go to ‘ Dyeon’ Where Kyungsoo’s Vella was. He planned to check the nearest town first, perhaps Kyungsoo was still there; thus, he left to Dyeon, he reminded firm in front of the girl who was waiting for him to count his coins, he smiled nervously. “Can I take the cheapest seat.” 

“Yes,” she took the coins but two, and passed him the ticket.

Jongin stared at the two coins in his palms. “I think I’m going to starve.” he smiled, “I can do that for the sake of Kyungsoo.” He cleared his throat when he saw the crowded train wagon, there were no seats, they all were standing there. All the people were obviously poor. 

He stuck out near the door because there wasn't any space he could stand in, when the train moved, he was hardly able to hold the walls, it was two nights trip, he couldn't sleep because of the kids crying, the old men snorting and the sick coughing.

When the train stopped in Dyeon, Jongin couldn't wait to leave the train, he pushed some people to get out off the train.

At last, he was able to breathe, all of his muscles were rigid due to the stiffened position he had the whole two days in that train wagon.

He ran towards the town with a beating heart, asking some group of rich women on the streets about Kyungsoo’s family house. They looked down at him, one of them was kind and she described the road to him. He bowed to them and went forth, he could take one of the horses drown nor a Rickshaw neither; he couldn't afford it.

With a sigh, he went on foot along the road, it was about 15 kilometers.

It was cold and he was hungry, lucky him, he found a poor woman selling a hot baked sweet potato, he pressed his lips in a thin line, looking at the last coin he had, but he needed to eat, he put the sweet potato on his cheeks to warm them up and between his dry palms. It was cheap and it filled his empty stomach. It took him 3 hours to reach the Vella, it was hidden among beautiful trees and there were many other houses too.

Jongin’s eyes sparkled with tears, he tried to walk, but he found his tired feet running towards the gates.

When he pushed, it wasn't locked, so he stepped inside and his heart fell from his place, he gulped looking at the dying garden and dusted walls, the Vella was clearly abandoned!

He gathered his strength and knocked the door, once, twice, many times; however, there was nothing but the echo of his knocking.

He shut his eyes tightly and sat there hugging his legs, his head fell upon his knees and he stayed there until the darkness surrounded him. He could hear the strayed dogs barking and the sound of the cold wind slamming the windows and quashing the trees, it gave him a shiver. He was worn out and broken, somehow, he slept there.

“Hey! This is not a shelter for the beggars.” Said the man with the brown long coat and black hat.

The sky was dressed with a faint blue; still, the sun hadn't risen yet. It was a chilly dawn.

“I’m not a beggar.” Jongin stood up, he was about to lose his balance, the man stared at him with cold eyes.

“What do you do here?”

“I’m looking for my friend, Kyungsoo.”

“Are you sure you are his friend?” The man's eyes were disgusted.

“Yes.” Jongin lowered his head.

“You knew him from the orphanage?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want his money?”

“No!” Jongin sulked.

“I see.” Said the man with a look of contempt.

Jongin uttered with a weak voice. “I need to see him.”

“You can't, because he is not here.” 

“Where is he?”

“I don't know! I’m the broker and he wants to sell this big house.” The man stared up at the house.

“He-he won't come here?” Jongin’s eyes widened.

“No.”

Jongin licked his chapped lips. “Where can I find him?”

The man shrugged. “I don't know! Could you please leave, there are two families will come here to see the house.”

He took off a chain with many keys from his pockets, the broker was about to enter the house, but Jongin held his arm beginning. “Please, tell me where he lives.”

The man looked at Jongin’s hand. “Take off your dirty hand.”

Jongin tightened his grip. “Please.” The tears flowed from his eyes.

The man pulled his hand and flicked his sleeve. He ignored Jongin and went in the house.

Jongin followed him.” Please, sir, I n—”The man slammed the door in Jongin’s face.

He fell on his knees and put his hand on his heart. “Please.” He cried, leaning forward. He sobbed and hit his head with his hands desperately repeating. “Please.” Even though, there was no one around to hear his pleading. 

When the man left the house, he exhaled. “Boy! Leave, NOW!”

Jongin stood up and begged again. “I need to see him, he is my friend, and I-I need to apologize, yes, yes, I’m a beggar, but a beggar for forgiveness, not money.” Jongin sniffed his tears.

The man shook his head and crossed him.

Jongin sobbed again.

The man stood and turned around, “ Listen, I got the message from his uncle’s wife, Lady Hwang Jisun, I received the message from Yuando, he is probably there, that's all what I know, now leave, you will scare my clients.”

Jongin smiled with his watery eyes. “Thank you, Thank you.” He bowed many times until the man left.

Jongin ran back to the town, when he reached the train station he was barely able to breathe, his lungs went dry from the cold air. “ I need a ticket to Yuando.” He gasped.

The man behind the glass checked him. “I don't think you can afford it.”

Suddenly, Jongin felt like if he hit by a train, he remembered he had no money. “How-how much?”

“It's 150.”

Jongin’s eyes wilted. “150?”

“Yes.” 

He stepped back and stood near one of the chairs, quickly he checked the money that Madam Joo gave him. “200.” He bit his lips, thinking.

He had no choice, it was impossible for him to travel on feet to the north. “I have to.” He sighed and went again to the man. “Here.” He was extremely sad, even when he entered the train.

He tried not to cry, sitting by the window, hugging into his bag in his lap. 

Jongin arrived to Yuando, feeling desperate and lost. He hadn't a clue or any plan either.

“Sir, can you tell me where I can find Madam Hwang Jisun?”

“Oh, Lady Jisun.” Said the old man.

Jongin’s face brightened. “Yes! Do you know her?”

“Yes, everybody knows here, she is a generous lady.”

“Can-can you give me her address?” Jongin’s heart throbbed happily.

“She lives on that hill,” he pointed at a far green hill, “but, she left yesterday.”

“Where?”

“ I don't know, lately she has been sick, when the son of her husband’s brother came, he took her to some doctor, I don't know where, no one knows, we were sad.” The man shook his head.

“You don't know?” Jongin’s knees shivered.

“No, she sailed through the ferry heading east, seeking a warmer place for her health.”

Jongin couldn't even thank the man, he left silently and sat under one of the trees crying.

After he shed all of his tears, he went to the small seaport and asked about the eastern ports the ferry stopped at.”

“There are five stops, Yura, Daesang, Byun, Hyeon and Yujin.” Said the worker.

Jongin had no money to use the ferry, and the fishermen Kicked him out of their area, his hands shuddered when he handed the man of the jewelry shop his mother's necklace.

His eyes shed enough tears, he couldn't even cry, he received the price and sailed through the angry sea. 

He landed at Yura and Daesang. Therefore, his pockets gone empty, he had not even one coin.

Jongin hated his life and cursed his luck, he felt that every step he took drafted him further away from Kyungsoo.

He got stuck in Daesang, he a 15 years old orphan, he was hungry, hopeless, Lovesick and homeless.

Luckily, an old lady felt sorry for him when he kindly helped her to carry her heavy bags, she offered him to work for her as a gardener, she stated, “You have gentle hands and a good heart, my flowers need a soul like you, they are the most precious thing I cherish, and I feel like I can trust you.”

Eventually, Jongin worked for her, he needed money to be able to find Kyungsoo, he stayed there for three months, then he took the ferry and went to the other three towns. After one month of traveling, he came back to the old lady's gardens, crying between the flowers, and so on, three months passed. Subsequently, he traveled back to Yuando to see if Lady Jisun came back to her house, but she didn't, he left to Dyeon as well, and he found a new family lives in Kyungsoo’s house; or used to be.

He found the broker, and he asked him again about Kyungsoo or Lady Jisun; he had no idea about them. However, Jongin left his address; the old lady’s house, just in case he heard anything.

Again, he went back to Dyeon a year later, and the next year as well.

When he came back from Dyeon, Lady Mi-Sook asked him. “Did you find your friend?” 

Jongin didn't answer her, he just took off his coat and stared at the marble floor. 

“Your silence answered me.” She nodded.

Jongin shut his eyes and breathed out.

“What about the orphanage?” She was busy with her flowers arrangement in the crystal vase.

“I can't go there, I’m 18 years old!”

“No, stupid! I mean to see if they know something.”

“Madam Joo sent me many letters, she herself doesn't know where he is, and she keeps asking me about him.”

Actually, Lady Misook considered him as her own son, she was sterile, she had no children and her husband passed away ten years ago, she kept firing all the servants she had, she was picky and moody; however, Jongin was the only one who softened her heart. He wasn't only her gardener, she granted him a beautiful room in her house, he lived there as if he was her son, even her servants bowed to him, she even made him her heir, he lived with her for three years and she loved him very much, he was the only one who bore her personality and he loved her as well. Somehow, she became his mother and her house was his house. 

Jongin was washing the horse she bought for him, he loved him very much, he was the only friend he had.

“ I began to forget his face.” Jongin closed his eyes and rested his head against his brown horse’s head. “ I miss him.” 

Jongin’s tear witted his horse’s soft skin.

“How could Love keep on drilling deep inside me, the more time passes, the more I love him more,” he whispered, “Kyungsoo.”

It's been three years, Jongin started losing hope, and yet, the emotional pain refused to let go of him, the intensity of his love chained him; thus, he couldn't move forward.

Every time he tried to stop thinking about Kyungsoo, his mind would send him a million dreams, making him see his lover's beautiful face, he heard his voice whispering, he almost felt his hand touching him, sometimes he would close his eyes and cover himself with the blanket, imagining himself in the orphanage, stupidly waiting for Kyungsoo to come and uncover him smiling.

Sometimes he would hug himself to sleep, convincing himself it was Kyungsoo’s arms, sometimes in the rainy days he would cry, hiding his face behind his palms. 

He hated his deep love, he hated the unbearable pain within him, he wished if he could forget Kyungsoo just to heal from his sorrow, to end his suffering and rip out the Nostalgia which wrapped his heart from beating, and his lungs from breathing. Every beautiful thing around him reminded him of Kyungsoo.

The full moon, the sparkling stars, the sunlight luminance over the fountain water, the birds twittering, the sun beaming through the tree green leaves, the grass dancing with the breeze, the clear sky, the odor of the rain, the fragrance of the flowers, the soft feeling of the rose petals, the calmness of the night, the brightness of the sunrise, every beautiful thing reminded him of Kyungsoo who was the beauty source. He was more beautiful than everything around him, Jongin was blinded by his gracefulness, he lost himself, he wasn't there anymore, he was barely living, his eyes darted in everywhere he went to, holding on to a ray of hope. Every time he promised himself to give up looking for him, he found his heart writhing inside whenever his imagination fooled him by sending a fragment of Kyungsoo’s aroma or an echo of his voice calling Jongin’s name.

He got tired from this unbelievable longing.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✿ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

The Champagne sparkled in Jongin’s glass. 

Lady Misook smiled, watching him yawning. “Boy! Go and dance with one of these girls.”

“I hate parties.” Jongin drank his Champagne.

“You hate parties? Or the girls.” She tilted her head, “well, if I got a healthy back, I would pick up one of these men and dance.”

“I doubt that.” He smiled.

She fixed his black bow tie. “Don't waste your youth waiting for a vanished person.” She patted on his chest.

“I’m not waiting.” He lowered his head.

“Yes, you are,” she sighed, “ I hope he is not buried under the ground or he flew upon the sky.”

Jongin put down his glass and sulked. “His soul still in his body and if he was buried in somewhere, then he is buried in my heart.”

“See, you are still waiting.” She smiled.

“Jongin shook his head and left outside the noisy hall. He sat on the entrance stairs and rested his chin in his palms.

After a while, Lady Misook came and stood in front of him. “You are really a poor and uncivilized boy! No rich boy would sit like this! Stand up, you stupid.” She sighed and took off her cigarette out of her golden purse.

“Your tongue is sharp just like your mood.” Said Jongin.

“That's why I keep on smoking.” She grinned.

Jongin stood up and dusted his pants. “I myself don't know why a poor and uncivilized one like me is here.”

“Because You are with me.” She shrugged, “and you are not poor,” she pointed with her cigarette, “you are rich, you are my heir,” she chuckled, “sadly.”

Jongin smiled. “You should quit smoking.”

“My hair is gray and my skin full of wrinkles, I’m going to die soon, so let me enjoy my last days.”

He shook his head with a soft smile. “What about leaving, I want to sleep and Jin will visit me tomorrow, I need to wake up early.”

“Fine, you joy killer.” She blew her smoke and left with him.

Next morning, Jin arrived. Jongin tried his best not to cry.

“God! You are handsome and tall?” Said Jin happily while walking out of the train station.

“And you are handsome as ever.” Jongin chuckled.

They both didn't mention Kyungsoo on purpose, Jin knew Jongin would get sad; Jongin appreciated him for that.

“I can't believe you married Momo! “ Jongin laughed.

“And I cannot believe you live here in this amazing house!” Said Jin.

“Why she didn't come with you?” 

“She is working, she wished if she could, maybe I will bring her here later.” Jin drank his tea.

“You should find someone to marry, maybe live—”

Jongin cut him off. “I found someone, and I lost him.”

Jin gulped. “Right.”

“I can't love anyone Jin, I’m deeply in love with him, I’m trying my best not to think of him, because thinking of him brings a heavy sadness on my chest,” he brushed his hair with his fingers, “let's talk about something else.”

“Yeah.” Jin felt guilty, he tried to cheer him up. “Dahyun has a baby boy.”

“Great! Her husband work on the court, right?”

“Yes, he is kind, I met him once.” Jin nodded.

“Seems like everyone got his happy end.” Jongin’s fiddled with his teacup. He stared at the steam and smiled when Jin uttered. “You became rich! This is a happy ending too.”

“Maybe you are right, then…Why I’m not happy?” Jongin’s smile was sad, “don't answer that.” he looked down.

Jin stayed for another two days, then he traveled back to his town. Jongin didn't know why seeing Jin brought misery to his heart. He drew out his nightstand drawer and held Kyungsoo’s napkin, he caressed the Lavender embroidery and sighed.

When Madam Misook knocked his door, he hid it under his pillow. “Yes.”

She came in smiling. “ Jongin, do you remember the girl I wanted you to meet her! Jeon”

“No! “

“Anyway, she invited us to her engagement party, we will go tomorrow and no protesting,” she pouted, “I really liked her, she will marry a rich boy from another city, an arranged marriage, I should arrange one for you.”

“No, thank you.”

“Seriously, I will do it, suddenly you will find a party here and it will be your engagement party.” She grinned.

“That's scary.” 

“I will look for a suitable girl for you tomorrow.” 

“No!”

“ It's not up to you, I wanna see my grandsons.”

He giggled. “Sorry mom!”

“Don't call me that?”

“You’ve just said I’m your son! And you said my kids will be your grandsons!”

“I will rethink about it.” She closed the door.

“She is funny.” Jongin sighed with a happy face.

Jongin had changed after all these years, he grew up, he left the orphanage, and he found a home to embrace him, he suddenly became rich after traveling alone and starving on the streets.

Therewith, he hadn't found the only one to whom he left everything behind him for.

He became quiet and he enjoyed the isolation, he got more sensitive and warmhearted, he just found many unpleasant truths he didn't discover while he was an orphan teenager who lived within his little world in the orphanage, surrounded by beautiful gates and happy children.

After he had eaten his breakfast with Lady Misook, he rode his brown horse; he named him ‘Brown!’ He stayed in the garden reading for a while, then he went with Lady Misook to the market, they ate lunch there and when they got back he took a nap, then he showered and got ready to the engagement party. Jongin kept praying all the way that Lady Misook won't see any girl she may like.

As always, he stayed alone in the corner, watching the music band playing piano and violin, every time Lady Misook talked with some girl, Jongin would look at the ceiling or the windows to avoid their eyes. However, Lady Misook was stubborn, she walked towards him dragging a shy girl.

“Shit.” Jongin couldn't run to anywhere, he hid his face behind his Champagne glass vainly. Lady Misook chuckled, seeing how he was trying desperately to hide.

Luckily, the girl who invited Lady Misook came in with her fiancé. The music stopped and all the eyes turned around, fixed on them; the girl left them when the people moved away to see the couple clearly.

“Look at her, Jeon would be a good wife for you, what a pity.”

Jongin shook his head with a smile, he looked at her then to her fiancé, he was about to drink his glass of champagne, but it fell from his hand and crushed into the floor.

His eyes widened and his heart shrank, his stomach quivered inside him, he felt sick. “K-Kyungsoo!” Jongin whispered. He inhaled, trying to breathe, “it's… It's him!” Jongin leaned towards lady Misook, he felt the room was spinning, he couldn't even look clearly at Kyungsoo, he pushed the people and ran outside as he burst crying.

“Oh, Lord… Oh my heart,” he punched his heart several times, “oh, my heart.” he repeated with loud muffled breaths.

Lady Misook came after him holding her long blue dress. She saw him standing on his knees and hitting his chest. “Jongin!”

She ran towards him, “what’s wrong!” She touched his shoulders and shook him, “Jongin!!Speak to me?” Jongin suddenly stopped crying, looking at the skyline. Lady Misook thought he saw some angel and he would die any minute! “Jongin! Yaa.” She shook his shoulders, but he was totally frozen. His eyes were lifeless and his lips parted. With hitched breaths, he whispered. “I-I saw him!”

Lady Misook slapped him. “JONGIN!! “ 

He looked at her like if he just realized her presence. He stared at her blankly. Then, he cried again. Slowly, her hand reached his heart, she closed her despondent eyes and felt his throbbed heart. 

“Nothing could quake your heart but Kyungsoo.” 

Jongin cried again, he clutched her arms, she exhaled wistfully, and asked her driver to take them back home, they hadn't even stayed in the party for half hour.

Lady Misook called her doctor, she was extremely worried, the doctor gave him a calmative drink to sleep. 

The following morning, Jongin suffered from a horrible headache, and a heartache as well. He didn't leave his bed.

“I have been looking for him for years, but when I saw him, I Escaped him?” He said to Lady Misook.

“Drink.” She forced him to drink his soup.

“Why…Seeing him made me collapse mentally and physically? I’m in pain, I want to see him, but I don't want that too? Am I crazy?”

“No, Jongin. You are afraid, it's a normal thing to collide at a situation like this.” She declared and held his hand.

“ You should confront him. When you are ready, of course. It's better to let it out.”

“I can't, I feel like a weak worshiper who is about to witness the gravity of his deity, “ he smiled, the tears glinted in his eye, “I’m not strong enough.”

“Yes, you are! You are absolutely strong Jongin! You’ve endured it all these years, you stepped into the unknown lands, you crossed the borders, you challenged your fears, you mastered the pain of Nostalgia! Do you know how powerful is that? The immensity of Nostalgia? The emotional pain is deep and severe, it's intolerable, it's worse than the physical pain, you know why? Because no one can see it or feel it but you, it's invisible, it's misleading and it has a great power over your mind and heart, you are carrying the illness and you own the cure. There is no doctor for the inner pain, only you can see it, only you can hear it screaming in your heart, driving you crazy, and you are the only one who can defeat it. You are strong enough, you have been through this already and now, it's time to end your misery.”

Jongin sniffed and wiped his tear, “ I thought if I saw him, I would run towards him and take him inside my embrace, but instead of that, I ran away.”

Lady Misook stated. “ Your heart was a Volcano, an Extinct Volcano, the lava slept inside you, burning your core, and when your eyes saw Kyungsoo, the Volcano woke up below the ashes within your heart and it's erupted aloft.”

She stood up and ordered him.” Fill your stomach and go to see him, sometimes surrendering to the pain and admit it, it's the wisest thing to do, if the pain killed you, love will bring you back. We both agree that your heart is shattered and after seeing Kyungsoo the love will find you and, you will be reborn.”

Jongin smiled, he nodded slightly. “ I promise you, I will stop panicking and I will vanquish the pain,” he repeated, “I will vanquish the pain.”

The ups and downs Jongin had been through for the last three years made him patient and sensible. Lady Misook passed him the address of Kyungsoo’s current home, where he lived with his Lady Jisun, her health was weak; Kyungsoo was the only one who took care of her.

Cautiously, Jongin hid behind one of the trees, watching Kyungsoo’s big house. It was near the sundown, he didn't care about the falling orange leaves upon him, and he didn't care about the rain puddles and pools in the grass where he stood.

It was a big house like any other rich families’ house, but why his heart attacked by a massive flood of passion!

He reminded there, staring at the windows and the open garden, perhaps he would catch a glimpse of Kyungsoo’s sparks. When the sun touched the horizon ready to take her leave, Jongin got tired of waiting; therefore, he left towards the tree path with low spirit. His long coat hem swept the muddy path dirt, it rained all day and stopped before the sunset.

The raindrops still sliding from the walls and the rain scent was in the air.

Jongin walked with his head down, his hands in his long, brown coat, with a sigh, he lifted his head and walked straight along the tree path. However, he stopped when he saw Kyungsoo there.

Seemed like Kyungsoo had noticed Jongin before Jongin did, he was standing in front of him almost 10 meters.

Kyungsoo’s eyes were wide open, he was holding a rosemary small pot. 

“K-Kyungsoo!” Jongin heaved.

Kyungsoo lowered his head and swallowed hard. He avoided looking at Jongin and he walked forth passing him by. Jongin froze in his place, he couldn't believe it. Kyungsoo didn't flinch and he treated him like a stranger! He walked away without looking back!

Jongin sniffled, he gritted on his teeth and ran towards Kyungsoo, he grabbed his shoulder and forced him spin around and face him.

“HOW COULD YOU IGNORE ME THIS HEARTLESS WAY?” Jongin yelled, his heart jolted inside him and the anger squeezed his lungs.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes tightly when Jongin did that, he sighed and looked at him with cold eyes. 

“Hello Jongin.” Kyungsoo uttered with a surly expression.

Jongin’s chest was heaving up and down, he didn't reply, he just moved his eyes between Kyungsoo’s blank eyes too eager to find a sign of passion.

“Kyungsoo, I ha—” he had been interrupted by Kyungsoo’s antagonistic words. 

“Save it, I don't wanna hear anything from you, I actually in a hurry. Well, it was a pleasant coincidence to meet you here after all these years.”

He stepped back with a dull face, his face reflected the emptiness of his heart. “Goodbye.” And he strode quickly.

Jongin gasped, he stood there looking at his dirty and expensive shoes. “Damn him, a coincidence? He doesn't know how I crossed the lands after his dim light until I lost it and I strayed in the darkness. “ Jongin laid his fingers on his forehead and shook his head. “It's unfair.” He tried to maintain his anger and disappointment, he didn't allow his eyes to bleed any tears. With a strong and pluck heart, he walked forth, taking steady steps towards the dark night which came crawling after Kyungsoo.

Jongin sat in the garden staring at the sunlight. 

“Good morning, you look tired?”Said Lady Misook

“I haven't slept yet.” Jongin threw his head off and closed his eyes, “I can't forget the emptiness in his eyes, he didn't care at all, Like we have never been in love before.”

“That means he loves you, if he still hurt, then he didn't heal yet, because he didn't get over you.”

Jongin shook his head. “ He acted like we are strangers! He didn't let me talk, and left me hanging there without looking back!?”

Jongin sighed and stood up crossing his arms tightly. “ I hate to say that,” he stared at the pink flowers in front of him, “but I love him, I still love him even more than before,” he inhaled the morning breeze, “I love him irrationally, I-I cried last night for hours, because I hated how I love him to the core, I hated how his memories still living in the depth of my heart, and I still want him even if he pushed me back. I have to bring him back to me, I’m his real home, my heart is still his shelter.”

“Then, you better do that before he gets married.” 

“He is mine, and he ought to know that, no matter how far he would go again, I’m going to find, even if it takes my whole life, because he worth it.”

Lady Misook smiled. “If there is anything I can do for you, I will gladly manage it.”

“Yes, I want your help.”

“Tell me, what is it?”

“I want you to visit Lady Jisun, I wanna company you to his house.” Jongin’s face was serious as ever.

“My Friend Guri knows her, I can go with her as a friendly visit.” Lady Misook smiled.

“Good.” Jongin breathed in with a beating heart.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✿ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Jongin Said plaintively to Lady Misook while they were walking on the tranquil Main Street. “Every heart has its own graveyard. You can find there the dead dreams, the forgotten memories and the deceased people, and I wish if I can forget his love so I can bury it in my heart graveyard, but I can't defeat this Love, and I tried once to kill it but Love knocked me down and I fell in my own grave. I lived horrible nightmares there, until you found me and I reached your hand, you pulled me up, and now here I am looking for him again, and I may be thrown into my grave again, and this time I want to die.” He sighed.

“ Are you ready to die?” Asked Lady Misook.

“Yes.”

“Then you won't, death like to surprise people, you won't be surprised, then, death won't look at you, for now.” She smiled.

They enjoyed their talk and walk. Jongin’s heart became restless again when he stood in front of the house.

The maid opened the door for them, she led them to the beautiful garden of the house where Lady Jisun was there with lady Misook’s friend Guri.

Jongin felt better, because Kyungsoo wasn't there yet. He sat with them, drinking tea and staring at the garden.

“Oh, Kyungsoo, come here.” Lady Jisun waved to him.

He came,crossing the big flower pots. “Hel-Hello.” He got surprised when he saw Jongin sitting there. He didn't look at Kyungsoo who sat carefully in front of him after he had greeted them.

“This is Lady Misook, she is a good friend of Guri.” Said Lady Jisun to Kyungsoo.

“Hello Lady Misoon.” Kyungsoo’s eyes glanced at Jongin.

“And this is her son, Jongin.” Said Lady Jisun.

Kyungsoo couldn't greet him, Jongin did it instead. “Hello Kyungsoo.” 

Kyungsoo lifted his chin up. “Hello.” He was about to stand up, but Lady Jisun held his wrist and asked him to stay a little bit with them to drink tea.

Kyungsoo swallowed hard, he stared at his cup of tea, he could feel Jongin’s eyes fixed on him.

“Then, when you will get married.” Jongin asked him out of the blue while the women were busy chatting about some new shop.

Kyungsoo looked at him. “After two weeks.”

“Oh, Good, I will attend your wedding, if you didn't mind.” Jongin wore a calm mask,

“I don't mind.” Kyungsoo gulped and sipped his tea.

“ I heard it's an arraigned marriage.” 

“Yes.”

“Why the hurry? You are still young.” Jongin smiled.

“My cousin Lady Jisun wanted me to get married because,” he paused for a brief seconds, “she doesn't t have a long time to live.”

Jongin’s heart danced when he saw the softness in Kyungsoo’s eyes when he talked about her.

“I’m sorry.” Said Jongin.

When Kyungsoo heard the sorry word, he frowned, “It's good to hear that you can feel sorry,” he sipped his tea and said with a cold face, “ how is Nayeon? And your kid?”

Jongin smiled and shook his head. “Do you really want to know?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened, a glimpse of sadness crossed his face. Despite that, he straightened his shoulders, “No.” I don't want to know, because I don't care.”

Jongin narrowed his eyes and leaned closer towards the table. “You are so fucking stupid, Kyungsoo.” 

Kyungsoo furrowed his brows. 

“You are so fucking stupid! ” Jongin repeated.

“Young man! Watch your mouth!” Said Lady Jisun when she heard him.

“It-It's fine, we are old friends.” Said Kyungsoo as he stood up, “I will leave first.”

“I’m coming with you.” Jongin stood up as well.

Lady Misook smiled. “Go for a walk and talk about your old days, such a beautiful Garden.” She said to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo exhaled, he stared angrily at Jongin who shoved his hands in his pockets and said to Kyungsoo with a victory smile.” If you don't mind!” 

Kyungsoo blinked nervously when he saw all the ladies were looking at him. “Fine.” He faked a smile and followed Jongin towards the big and beautiful garden.

“ I don't understand what do you want from me? “ Said Kyungsoo furiously.

“ I want you.” Jongin sulked.

“What?” Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes, “are you insane?”

“No.” Jongin shrugged.

Kyungsoo shook his head and licked his sexy lips, “you are unbelievable, you have the nerve to say that after what you did to me?”

“What did I do ?”Jongin walked closer towards Kyungsoo who answered him with a loud tone.

“YOU BETRAYED ME, AND BROKE MY HEART.”

“NO! YOU BROKE MY HEART KYUNGSOO.” Jongin screamed back.

They saw Lady Jisun standing up between the trees, trying to see them after she had heard their screaming.

Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and dragged him further into the garden until they reached the walls.

“ Leave me.” Kyungsoo tried to free his wrist from Jongin’s grip.

“Listen,” Jongin shook him by his wrist roughly, “you accused me and you betrayed our trust and love,” he pulled Kyungsoo closer with his devastated eyes, “ I didn't cheat on you, I didn't even touch Nayeon, that night she lied to me saying her mother received a letter from your uncle and I went there to find it, because I saw you worried.”

“THAT BECAUSE I SAW YOUR MOTHER’S NECKLACE ON HER.” Kyungsoo yelled.

“SHE STOLE IT TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE HER LIES AND YOU DID.” Jongin pushed him angrily. 

Kyungsoo was about to fall backwards, but he held on to one of the trees trunk.

“ I didn't betray you, you betrayed our love. I loved you more than anything and you knew it, still, you didn't put your faith in me and you just left me alone.” Jongin’s lips trembled.

Kyungsoo rested his back towards the tree. “I don't believe you.” He shook his head. 

“I left the orphanage in the same morning you left and I followed your shadow. And turns out that your shadow is a black hole and when I followed you I fell inside it and I strayed blind, I’ve been looking for you for three years, I went to your family's old house and to your uncle’s house, I crossed all the directions, I sailed through the sea and I traveled on feet, I cried, I starved, I lost myself just to see you, you who broke me and left me without a second thought.” Jongin couldn't hold his tears, he covered his face with his palms and turned around, giving Kyungsoo his back; he didn't want Kyungsoo to see him like that, smashed and crushed under his love.

Kyungsoo didn't talk. Likewise, Jongin didn't want to hear anything from him; therefore, he wiped his tears and left without looking at Kyungsoo, sniffing his tears back, his tears kept leaking from his eyes, his heart cried, his senses screamed for Kyungsoo, the power of love pushed him backwards like a stormy wind, but he didn't let his feelings control him, he just walked away.

It was a bittersweet sensation, remembering Kyungsoo sent a beautiful pain to his core, he got addicted to the pain of love. For him, Kyungsoo was like the sea, he was gorgeously beautiful, he was quiet and cold, but its water was salty and his depth was scary.

Still, he adored it, he loved it from the bottom of his heart, he would jump into the darkness of his water and die. 

After that day, whenever he thought about Kyungsoo, a painful surge of blood attacked his broken heart.

He stayed by the window, maybe Kyungsoo would come to his house asking for forgiveness? Or begging for his love again? But, he didn't come, and Jongin didn't leave the house, he was very desperate, he was fragile and ready to collapse at any minute.

It's been a week, Jongin’s heart was like an empty nestle which used to be full of little birds, with their singing and warmth, he was totally lonesome and he felt neglected by the sun and the moonlight, there was only a gray cloud following him whenever he went. When Lady Misook asked him to go and buy cigarettes for her, he had to leave, he couldn't even protest.

Lazily, he went to the main shopping area, it was cold, he was barely able to open his eyes from the strong wind. He bought the cigarette and ran towards his house, he brushed his soft hair because it had gotten messy from the angry wind.

Jongin laid the bag of cigarette on the marble table, “ I bought the cigarette.” And he went upstairs to his room; however lady Misook called him. “Come here, Jongin, I need you.”

Jongin sighed and rolled his eyes heading back downstairs. “What d—” He stiffened when he saw Kyungsoo sitting there on the couch near Lady Misook.

“Kyungsoo is here.” She smiled.

“I-I can see that.” He rubbed the nape of his neck nervously.

“I didn't come here! She asked me t-”

“Oh.” Lady Misook laughed to shut Kyungsoo, “ Oh, how silly me, I forgot to ask for the tea, I will leave you two.” And she left.

Kyungsoo and Jongin’s eyes locked. “Why are you here Kyungsoo?”

“Lady Misook asked for me, and I came.” He stood up, “ I think I will go back.” He cleared his throat and passed Jongin, leaving the sitting room.

Kyungsoo’s heart cracked when Jongin didn't stop him. He looked back, holding the doorknob. 

Jongin spun around and smiled. “Then, goodbye.”

Kyungsoo didn't want him to leave! He was surprised from himself when he stated. “I wrote a message to Madam Joo, to ask her about what happened a-and,” he lowered his head, “ I think I owe you an apology.” His eyes sparkled with tears.

“Keep it for yourself,” Jongin shrugged, “but, thank you for your good intent.”

Kyungsoo blinked, he gasped and nodded, he was about to leave, but Lady Misook stopped him. “Where are you going? “

“I think I have to leave.” He looked at Jongin wistfully.

“No! You are my guest and it's windy outside, No, you will stay.” She smiled, “come on, the tea is ready, come and join us Jongin.” She sought a hesitation in Jongin’s eyes, therefore, she insisted, “come on! “ She went upstairs.

“Where are you going?” Jongin wondered since the sitting room was in front of them.

“To your room! I suddenly felt like sitting in your room balcony.”

“Its raining outside.” Jongin sulked.

“Oh, really?” She ignored him and held Kyungsoo’s wrist, “ come on.” 

Jongin stood in his spot with an obvious frown, looking at them climbing the stairs.

He sighed and followed them after a while.

When he opened the door, he found Kyungsoo there alone.

“She said she will come back.” Kyungsoo felt awkward.

Jongin took off his jacket and went towards him, he poured the tea for him and sat on the single chair; there were only two fronting each other. “Sit.” He said to Kyungsoo.

They drank tea silently, staring at the rain drops hitting the window, slowly sliding down to die upon the exterior window sill.

“You will marry Next week?” Asked Jongin holding his teacup.

“Yes.” Kyungsoo lowered his head.

“Congratulations.” Jongin didn't smile, “oh, there is something I have to bring it back to you.” He put down his teacup and went to his nightstand, he took something from the drawer. 

“Here,” he handed Kyungsoo the White Napkin, “this is yours.”

Kyungsoo took the Napkin, his eyes widened when he saw the purple Lavender.

“ I stole it, because I wanted something to- well, I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo was speechless.

“This is why I didn't want you to see my box back then.” Jongin shook his head, “I didn't know that you were doubting me.”

Kyungsoo kept staring at the Napkin, all what he said was. “You are keeping it in your drawer?”

Jongin blinked, “I—”

Kyungsoo put the napkin down on the table and stood in front of Jongin, they stared deeply into each other's eyes.

“Yo-you still love me?” Kyungsoo’s eyes were unreadable.

The tears stung Jongin’s eyes. “No.”

Kyungsoo’s face turned pale. “Oh.” He gulped.

Jongin lowered his head. Kyungsoo looked away, he tried to smile; nevertheless, he couldn't. “I gotta leave.” He stepped back and paused for a while, waiting for Jongin to say anything.

Morosely, he spun around leaving. There was an extremely throbbing pain in his chest. He just ran, he couldn't stay there. He leaned towards the wall of Jongin’s house and cried, he sobbed painfully, the rain was heavy, no one could hear his loud whining, he just couldn't stop crying.

It was unbearable, the feeling of remorse, the helpless wishes and prayer to go back in time and change what he did wrong.

There was no power on the earth could help him to defeat the force of time and sending back.The simplest thing he could have done was extremely hard to do in his current time, because it was too late, and he broke what should have been perfect and strong, no matter how tears he shed, nothing would fix what he had broken. Kyungsoo knew his crying was useless, but he couldn't help his bleeding heart and the pain on his chest. He took it all.

Jongin spaced out while he was cutting the flowers. A thorn stabbed his finger, he didn't even feel it. 

“Sir, I will do it.” Said the maid.

He was holding the flowers. “No, I will do it, I want to keep my mind busy.” He said looking at the wall clock. It was 5 pm.

Lady Misook already had gone to Kyungsoo’s wedding.

Jongin went to his room and placed the flowers in the crystal vase, his hand shivered when he held and threw it on the floor aggressively, making the crystal sharp pieces scattering on the floor. “FUCK.” He screamed and fell on his knees crying. 

The tears didn't take his heart horrible pain, he went to the bathroom to wash his wet face. There, Jongin stared at his Razor. His tears rained on his face while he was holding it, he looked at his wrist and paused for a minute, he couldn't do it. Jongin tossed the razor and stared at his reflection in the mirror, he sighed and washed his face, he closed his eyes tightly and hid his face in the soft towel. With a sharp sigh, he left the bathroom.

“K-Kyungsoo!” He stammered.

Kyungsoo was standing in the middle of Jongin’s room, wearing his wedding black suit.

His face was pale and startled. “I-I ran away, the-they are looking for me.” Kyungsoo was shivering.

Jongin gave a sharp weary sigh. “What are you doing here?”

“I love you.” Kyungsoo’s eyes were wide open. He cried, “ I love you so much and I-I couldn't attend my own wedding because my heart wasn't there, m-my heart is here with you,” he shook his head with his teary cheeks, “it's always been with you.”

He walked towards Jongin and panted, “Would you hold me?” He bit his trembling lips.

Jongin lowered his head.

“Please.” Kyungsoo heaved.

Slowly, Jongin hugged him, Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around Jongin’s waist and cried his heart out.

Jongin closed his eyes tightly and rested his chin on Kyungsoo’s soft hair, he inhaled his scent and kissed it gently.

“I’m so sorry, Jongin, I’m so so-sorry.” He buried his wet face in Jongin’s chest, “ I love you so much.” He cried once more in Jongin’s embrace.

Jongin tightened his arms around Kyungsoo’s body. “Don't cry.” He whispered.

“Don't let me go.” Kyungsoo pulled back and begged, looking up at Jongin, “D-don't let me go.”

“I won't.” Jongin held Kyungsoo’s chin and parted his lips, he kissed Kyungsoo’s slowly, “Don't cry, kiss me.” He said softly.

Kyungsoo kissed him back, their lips moved with the same rhythm.

Kyungsoo clutched Jongin’s arms and kissed him passionately, they fell on their knees eating each other's lips and pulling each other's bodies closer.

Jongin fell upon Kyungsoo’s body and kissed all of his face, wiping his tears with his warm lips. He confirmed Kyungsoo between his kisses. “ I won't let you go.” he brushed Kyungsoo’s hair with his fingers and looked at him, “I won't let you go, even if I died my ghost will follow you,” he smiled softly and caressed Kyungsoo’s cheek, “now, take off your fucking wedding suit.”

They were equally excited emotionally and physically.

Their hands interlocked, their lips brushed and kissed and their bodies rubbed each other while they were making Love.

Despite the mess of Kyungsoo’s disappearing, they made Love and they took their time. 

Jongin couldn't believe he was making Love with the love of his life, and he was laying underneath him. They moaned and gasped, they bounced against each other, sweaty and needy. Their bodies shivered with pleasure and their lungs stuffed with Love. Kyungsoo pushed Jongin, he fell his back.

Kyungsoo shoved Jongin’s dick inside him again and rode him eagerly, lifting his hip up, then slamming it down, driving Jongin crazy. They slept next to each, hugging tightly.

Lady Misook came into the room after Jongin didn't answer her, she smiled with a surprised face, seeing them hugging under the blanket. She went down and told one of the maids. “If Lady Jisun asked about Kyungsoo, tell her he is not here.” She sighed with a happy face.

When they woke up, she gave Jongin a key. “This is my husband's beach house,” her eyes traveled between them, “ go, and we will figure how to tell Lady Jisun later.”

She patted on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, “ I’ll take care of her.”

Kyungsoo smiled happily as his hand hugged Jongin’s hand.

They left together, and they never looked back.

After a while, Kyungsoo got back to Lady Jisun and Jongin as well, they met daily, kissing, making love, talking and laughing while embracing each other.

After one year, lady Jisun passed away, Kyungsoo moved to lady Misook’s house.

After several years the couple went back to visit the Orphanage, Madam Joo cried when she saw them as grown men, her hair was gray and the orphanage was full of new kids. 

When they left the orphanage gates, Jongin smiled and pointed at one of the windows, “I stood there staring at you when you came here for the first time, you were 9 years old and I still remember how I felt and how you looked me.”

Kyungsoo blushed, “ I remember you too, he hid behind the curtains when I saw you.” 

They gazed at the orphanage with graceful smiles, Kyungsoo held Jongin’s hand and brought it to his lips, he kissed it Gently. “ I love you.”

Jongin grinned. “I love you too, my lover and my soulmate.”

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ **The End** ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧


End file.
